A Theology of Birthday Cards

When I interviewed with the Pastor Nominating Committee of our church, one of the praises the members gave to interim pastor Bob Shurden, was the way he took time to send each congregant a birthday card and anniversary cards to the married members of the congregation.  This was a new practice in the life of the congregation, but not entirely unfamiliar to me, as I had grown up receiving birthday cards from our pastor in Knoxville.  He did not send one to every congregant but did send them to all the children and youth in the church.

Hearing the gratitude of the search committee, and remembering how special I felt receiving a birthday card from my pastor growing up, I decided to continue this tradition in my ministry at FPC.  It has almost been a year since I began here, and to date I have written 228 notes or cards to church members and visitors, regarding everything from notes of thanks to birthday cards to cards for the grieving.

But here is what I have begun to find somehwat tricky about sending cards, especially birthday and anniversary cards, they can become somewhat routine and ingenuine over time.  I don't know your experience, but I receive a birthday card from my dentist, I know others who receive them from their financial planners, and the best one I used to get was from our insurance agent in Dectur whom I had never actually sat down with and met in person.

Card sending has become almost something of a marketing ploy on the part of the service economy, to let customers know they are more than their pocketbook to the people who insure them, manage their money, or clean their teeth. 

That has been my struggle, then, with sending these cards.  Do they seem like a "required" word from the church on your birthday, or can it be something more heartfelt and meaningful than the postcard from the car dealership with the stamped signature of the salesman on the back? 

Over the year, then, I have tried to develop a theology of card sending, and I have come to understand the sending of birthday and anniversary cards as more than an act of caring, but as a theological task.  What does a birthday celebrate but that God has "knit us together in our mother's womb" and that "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:13-14).  Our birthday is a time to celebrate that we have each been created in the image of God and declared "very good" (Genesis 1:27, 31).  It is also a time to remember that we are a member of the body of Christ, unique in our gifts and talents but bound to one another in the unity of the Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:12-13).

Because of this understanding as human beings as uniquely made and gifted, bound to one another in Christian love, and crafted in the image of God, I believe it is appropriate to celebrate our brothers and sisters in Christ, and when I send a birthday card to a church member, I try to remember to communicate that truth to them, to let them know that they are a beloved child of God and a beloved part of our community of faith.  It is not out of obligation or the need to meet a pastoral quota, but out of love that I try to send these cards.

I also believe there is a theological reason to send an anniversary card.  In our Book of Common Worship Statement on Marriage that we read at weddings we hear, “God created us male and female, and gave us marriage so that husband and wife may help and comfort each other, living faithfully together in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, throughout all their days.

God gave us marriage for the full expression of the love between a man and a woman.  In marriage a woman and a man belong to each other, and with affection and tenderness freely give themselves to each other.

God gave us marriage as a holy mystery in which a man and a woman are joined together, and become one, just as Christ is one with the church.”

As Christians, marriage is not about “getting my needs met” or “having someone to keep me from being alone.”  Instead, marriage is about covenant and commitment, about faithfulness when times are good and when times are hard.  How we live out our marriages actually witnesses to the world what intimate, inter-dependent living looks like, as two unique people seek to become one just as the church seeks to be one with Christ.

 

Sending an anniversary card, then, is a reminder of the covenant nature of marriage in a world of romantic infatuation and self-gratification.  It is a celebration of the free giving of oneself to another, and also calling to continued faithfulness and support into the future.  Anniversary cards, therefore, are both a celebration and a reminder.

It has taken a year, with many moments sitting at my desk with pen in hand and a blank card in front of me, to begin to answer the question, “Why am I sending these cards?”  What I have shared with you are my reflections on this practice as a theological calling in ministry.  I am sure they will continue to mature and change over time, but I am grateful to have inherited this practice, and look forward to continuing it through another year.